BamBam: Ok, everyone – it’s TTT week. I’ve filled in this really pretty coloured chart which shows clearly what output everyone will be doing when they take their turn on the front. I have absolutely no idea what any of it means, but it is very pretty and uses a lot of red and orange…
Dutchland: I think it means that when you are leading, and I’m on 2nd that I will need to spontaneously combust in order to have any chance of staying with you.
Disco: Or that I will have upgraded to a B Cat by the end of the race…
Dutchland: I normally sweep; why can’t I just sweep? I like sweeping.
BamBam: OK, you can sweep. (deep sigh). But if we use the chart…we can see how to ride this TTT – it’s flat that’s in our favour.
Janaroo: Flat? But is it? What about…?
BamBam: Right! Let’s not worry too much about the pretty chart (which I spent hours on) – let’s focus on changeovers.
Toblerone: Do we have numbers? Other teams have numbers.
BamBam: Numbers – yes – numbers are good. Toblerone – you be 1.
Toblerone: But what if I’m not at position 1?
BamBam: Then 2 becomes 1, and you become 5. Little Spice Girl reference there. Did you all get that?
Raquel: I think we’re all choosing to ignore that, and could you stop snorting in our ears, your brilliance is a little deafening at times…
Disco: Like her puffing around Sprinters Playground!
Toblerone: So then I’m not 1?
BamBam: No! Raquel will be 1, when you’re 5.
Raquel: Surely, I’m 2. According to this chart, I need to be at 2.
BamBam: No – we’re not using the chart now; we’re using numbers.
Dutchland: But what if I can’t make it? Do I keep my number or does the reserve get my number? What happens to my number?
Janaroo: Maybe not numbers… just a thought… now what about the flat thing?
BamBam: Si said it’s not flat! Apart from this week’s hill – which is actually just a ramp…
Dutchland: … makes a change from a kicker I guess…
Disco: … or a bump…
Raquel: Do we have to be on TT bikes coz I’ve just got my Tron and it’s sooooo pretty. I’m doing green this week.
BamBam: Yes TT bikes coz they’re the fastest and you know my feelings about Trons – pretty or otherwise.
Dutchland: TT bikes are not the fastest when Raquel uses the wrong tyres.
Raquel: Once, it happened once. Let it go!
BamBam: Focus laydeez – so we won’t use numbers or the pretty chart, but we will be on TT bikes. None of us like that coz there’s no sitting up in Zwiftworld or remembering to drink; coz we can only do that when it happens on screen rather than when the sensation of thirst occurs in our own mouths. BUT, if we’re all happy with all of that, there’s just the final thing which is…
Toblerone: Don’t say it…
Raquel: She’s going to…
Dutchland: Surely not this time…
Disco: I thought we agreed…
Janaroo: Well, I’m not doing it…
Dutchland: She’s gone quiet – you know what’s coming.
BamBam: PACELINE! Yes! Let’s go with a paceline. This time we’re bound to smash it. We’re riding the same team as before. We know what we’re doing. Paceline it is….
Toblerone: That’ll be a blob then..
BamBam: What was that Toblerone?
Toblerone: Nothing, Captain.
BamBam: Good – glad we sorted that!
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