Last week my wife was telling me that before I started zwifting, I would have never missed the evening walk with our dog Luna. But since ZRL and WTRL TTTs are in the evening, depending on my exhaustion levels after the race, I skip some of them.
It made me think about all the routines I have changed since I started Zwifting. Here is a list of 10 little or not-so-little things Zwift changed in my real life:
#1: Shower Routine
I was a morning shower guy. For 43 years. Gym workout was always in the morning so I was a morning shower guy. Now I am a “shower just after Zwift session” guy. There is a direct correlation between the number of showers and their time and the number of Zwift sessions and their time. What happens on the days I am not Zwifting? Good question. I don’t know, ask someone who does not Zwift 365 days a year. 😊
#2: Jokes
Since very few people understand my Zwift jokes, most of them are now private jokes. And when I say “private” I mean really private. They occur in my head and I laugh by myself like a jerk. They are so bad that it is a good thing they remain in my head.
Some examples:
- “This guy is so dumb he would not be able to distinguish between the Tron bike and the Aeroad.” … (dumb laugh in my head)
- “This would not be worth more than 10 sweat drops!!!” … (dumb laugh in my head)
#3: Eating Habits
Obviously I plan my meals depending on the Zwift workout or race of the day. Am I compiling enough carbs? Today I need to make sure I eat something light to digest. We have Road to Sky TTT.
But even more impactful, I am now a worldwide expert on nutrition supplements or boosters for Zwift. I became a one-stop shop for all kinds of useful and also useless alleged sport superfoods.
I have a full 60 x 90 cm box filled with all sorts of caffeine gums, mineral salt pills, energy gels, nut bars & blends, fruit cheeses, energy bars, dehydrated fruits, and a gazillion powders to create my own drinks (electrolytes, recovery, maltodextrin, isotonics)…
#4: The Gravitational Center of the House
The entire dynamic of the house now gravitates around the pain cave. I am not a flat-earth believer, I am a pain cave-centric believer.
Three weeks ago my wife caught me measuring some distances between two pillars in the basement, where the pain cave is. Immediately she said, “Don’t tell me you are measuring how many bikes + smart trainers / smart bikes fit in there?” Of course it was a rhetorical question. That was exactly what I was doing.
But I had an immense dilemma only you guys will understand. I acquired a brand new Canyon Ultimate SLX 9 Di2 (I still need to find the bike a name to be able to introduce it to Amanda, any suggestion improving “eggplant” is welcome). I was wondering if I would have it hanging between the gravel bike and the gran fondo bike, or if I would change the entire arrangement of the pain cave and put it next to the home trainer and the Zwift setup.
And what if (again here “what if” is rhetorical, I should probably start the sentence with “what happens when…”) I acquire a smart bike? Would that change the way I arrange the pain cave?
#5: Wardrobe
Zwift is having a huge impact on my morphology, therefore my wardrobe. The growth of my quadriceps is proportional to the shrinkage of my upper body. My best friend tells me I have a “Chicken Morphology”. It’s as if Dr. Frankenstein combined Mr. Burns’ upper body with The Hulk’s lower body.
#6: Compulsive Gadget Buying Condition
In french we say a place is the “cavern of Ali Baba” when you can find anything you want there. It also gives a little bit of the feeling of being a mess. So “Zwift Cavern of Ali Baba” is the best description of my pain cave. Name it, I have it. Period.
And this is a vicious circle. The more gadgets I have the more gadgets I want. The closer we are to Black Friday the longer my gadget wish list gets…
#7: Readings
The mere fact you are reading this article is living proof that the current statement also applies to you. Since one graph is worth a thousand words, I am sure you will identify with the following and no further explanation is required.
#8: Mechanic Abilities
This one is aspirational. I am as bad a bicycle mechanic as I was 30 months ago. I am a lost cause! But I constantly lie about it.
That is a very believable lie. In fact, the lie is more realistic than the truth. Who would believe that I am still counting on my mechanic to adjust my derailleur 3 years into my cycling addiction?
#9: Music Standards
First, all my Spotify playlists are now related to Zwift. “VO2 workout”, “ZRL race playlist”, “threshold workout”, ”recovery ride playlist, “list for group rides”, “Z1/Z2 Playlist”.
Also, in the past, I would have dismissed any song whose lyrics did not have the potential to save the world, and the lexical and lyrical depth of Pablo Neruda poetry. Now I am perfectly fine banging my head and pushing the pedals to “You got that left, right, left, leave ’em coming back for more”… A plain onomatopoeia like “Da da da” works too as long as it is at least at 90 beats per minute and the bass threatens to explode my subwoofer.
#10: My Monthly Subscriptions Budget
For anything Zwift or bike-related I have a subscription. Zwift, RGT, Strava, Training Peaks, Wikiloc, RideWithGPS, MyWindSock, Epic Ride Weather, Sauce4Zwift and Sauce4Strava…
And I am sure I forget some of them.
Your turn: what are the routines your Zwift addiction has changed IRL?
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