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    FeaturedInterviews

    Lucianotes: the Dramatic Consequences of Avid Zwifting

    Luciano Pollastri
    By Luciano Pollastri
    June 6, 2022
    33

    Two years as an avid Zwifter have had dramatic consequences on my life. For the good and the bad.

    More Zwift Levels = Fewer Friends

    As I ascended the ladder of Zwift levels and challenges, my IRL social life got closer and closer to that of a Tibetan ascetic monk who has vowed silence and isolation forever. 

    As Zwift becomes the epicenter of your day, you create your own magical parallel ecosystem, allowing you to survive with only what exists within the boundaries of Watopia. 

    An example: Scotty the Squirrel has a voice in my head. You would guess it is a high voice but no, it’s an Elvis Presley kind of voice. And Scotty is kind of a jerk. He always appears above my shoulder to laugh at me when I am in absolute pain or about to spit my lungs. 

    Same with the Pace Partners. Coco Cadence is an incredibly smart lady, able to exchange and debate about almost any topic. She is a little bossy though. From time to time she reminds you to keep your w/kg at the right level. I would not say the same about Bowie Brevet. The guy would not say a word. If you want to have fun, you’d be better off grabbing coffee with an IRS inspector than a lap of Tempus Fugit with Bowie. 

    Continuous Improvement In Performance, Continuous Deterioration In My Likeability

    Among the best things I experienced is this notion of continuous improvement. I remember the first day I climbed ADZ. It was my third day as a Zwifter and I had to find an event in order to be accepted (Road to Sky was a 12+ Level circuit). 

    I was so proud that I was able to cross the banner. I had no dignity left, no legs left, my body was one piece of immense muscular pain, and the smell my body was producing would qualify it as a chemical weapon. But I was so proud! More than 100 minutes of heroic effort. 

    It was also the day I saw for the first time some people with the vEveresting tag on their name. When I checked what this vEveresting thing was I could not prevent myself from laughing: who would be so dumb to climb this thing 9 times? Clearly, you must have some unresolved mommy/daddy issues in order to inflict something like this upon yourself.

    In any case, here is a table with my progression on some of the most relevant Zwift segments. It gives you a quick overview of what it looks like to have a very structured training plan and spend your life in Watopia. I call it an amazing progression, my wife calls it the ultimate proof I am beyond help. 

    (Some of the first attempts (Ven-top for example) are from summer 2020, not April.)

    Proudly Becoming the “Only Talks about this Ridiculous Virtual Cycling Game” Guy

    Before Zwift, people invited me to gatherings because I had a tendency to animate all the dinners. I was the funny guy.  Now I regularly invent false excuses to skip dinners with friends, and the few social dinners I attend find me talking exclusively about Zwift and cycling. It’s gotten so bad that people avoid asking me open questions or even better, run desperately in the opposite direction when I join a group. 

    I have developed an incredible capacity to link any topic with cycling and Zwift. Any. Pick one. You can ask me about climate change, and I will find a transition to finish talking about the gradient in Pot Bank. You ask me about the French presidential election results? About the cross-fertilization of wet soils through bees?  No problem. I find an analogy with a Bologna TT or the new Zwift homepage UI. 

    For them, my friends (or former friends if I want to be accurate), I’ve become the boring “only talks about this ridiculous virtual cycling game stuff” guy. For me, they’ve all become “those idiots who don’t even know what a Tron bike is.” 

    The worst thing is that I am perfectly aware they couldn’t care less about what I am telling them. I could see their faces progressively decomposing from a polite smile to an extreme expression of boredom when I passionately grumbled about the Dura-Ace groupset bug affecting some of the bikes back in November 2021 as if it was the end of the world (by the way it was the end of the world WTF!).

    An Impact On My Quality as a Son and Husband

    My Zwift addiction has also impacted my listening and empathy skills, and therefore the quality of my relationships with relatives. How many times have I committed to something without being conscious about it?

    I remember one particular situation in which my mother was talking to me but my entire brain focus was on “will I swap to a gravel bike at the beginning of Temple KOM or not? There are pros and cons to it. First, I am really slow at swapping bikes, and also it depends if I arrive in a group or not and others stop to swap… what a dilemma. Also, Eric recommends swapping but the guy does it in 6 seconds, I saw it in one of his streams…” 

    Apparently, during that thought process I agreed to go to dinner the following Tuesday at my mother’s place and to bring a homemade dessert (pre-Zwift I was always cooking). I only figured out that I committed to this when my mother called me on Tuesday evening to ask where I was since I was already 45 minutes late. I was actually at 171 BPM ion the last km of the Temple KOM climb of the ZRL stage.

    I am an awful awful son…

    The same happens when my wife asks me something and I automatically nod when in reality every single cell of my body is obnubilated by this incredible debate on Discord about the likelihood that Zwift fixes the draft issue on some smart bikes (I don’t even own a smart bike).

    Note: if you are as much a Zwift junkie as I am, at this point in time you don’t really care about the mother anecdote, right? The only thing you care about is if I eventually swapped bikes. The answer is no.

    Monothematic Hobbies, Too

    Another thing that has changed since I started Zwifting is my YouTube homepage and recommendations. In 2019 my YouTube homepage was a blend of politics, sports, rock music, cooking recipes, and funny videos of beagles (my dog Luna is a beagle) doing stupid things I would idiotically laugh about. 

    It seems I’ve made things easier for Google’s AI. Now I have a monothematic YouTube homepage: exclusively Zwift, bikes and cycling. Sherpa Dave, Eric’s streams, Bikotic, Hambini, GCN in all languages and fashions, Javier Ares (Spanish cycling journalist), Si Bradeley, BiciLab, GC Performance, Normandie Cycling, Cycling Insider, etc….

    My wardrobe has also evolved. I am compulsively buying cycling apparel and cycling t-shirts with jokes that can only be understood by other psychologically deranged Zwift addicts like me: 

    In some aspects, though, my condition has made things easier for others. Pre-Zwift, my friends and relatives used to say that finding a present for my birthday was an impossible task. Now they know that anything related to bikes or Zwift gadgets will have me jumping around like a little kid. Latest one: a bike holder for IRL race tags. Love it. 

    Better Off, For Sure

    All things considered, the substantial impact Zwift has had on my life is positive: I am more of a jerk, I have fewer friends, I find it difficult to communicate with most human beings yet engage in dialog with imaginary animated characters, and I pay less attention to my family. BUT, I am a better Zwifter and cyclist. Totally worth it. 😊

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      Luciano Pollastri
      Luciano Pollastri
      Luciano is a French-Argentinian living in Madrid, Spain. He landed by mistake on Zwift in March 2020, and, according to his wife, staying there because of some strange variant of the Stockholm Syndrom yet to be diagnosed. Passionate about all the little things making us feel alive and together when being part of a team.

      33 COMMENTS

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      Steve Greenwood
      Steve Greenwood
      17 days ago

      Loved this. Can’t believe people don’t know what a tron bike is…

      4
      Reply
      Luciano Pollastri
      Author
      Luciano Pollastri(@luciano-pollastri)
      17 days ago
      Reply to  Steve Greenwood

      How miserable their life can be right?

      4
      Reply
      Meisterbruno
      Meisterbruno
      17 days ago

      😂 I enjoyed reading this article. At times I found myself going into the “squirrel drey” (Zwift for rabbit hole) and ignoring life around. It’s okay to spend time in virtual if improves your life in any way.

      0
      Reply
      Carsten Re. from Germany
      Carsten Re. from Germany
      17 days ago

      Hahaha … I enjoyed reading as always Luciano 🤣 … and I’m sure that many of us had the same or similar situations in our lives … and this bad covid thing gave us an additional legitimate excuse for this real-life-friends-to-virtual-friends development 🙈🙈🙈

      1
      Reply
      Luciano Pollastri
      Author
      Luciano Pollastri(@luciano-pollastri)
      17 days ago
      Reply to  Carsten Re. from Germany

      what do you mean by “real-life-friends”?

      3
      Reply
      Carsten Re. from Germany
      Carsten Re. from Germany
      17 days ago
      Reply to  Luciano Pollastri

      🙈🤣 … jump in Doc Brown DeLorean and you could find some of these crazy non-zwifting-people in 2019 or earlier 😎

      1
      Reply
      Carsten Re. from Germany
      Carsten Re. from Germany
      17 days ago
      Reply to  Luciano Pollastri
      and you have to look at it the other way around ... how is it that your mother doesn't know that Tuesday evening is reserved and ONLY MADE for ZRL ? 🙈🤣
      
      Last edited 17 days ago by Carsten Re. from Germany
      1
      Reply
      Andrey J.
      Andrey J.
      17 days ago

      I thought Danny Draft was real

      1
      Reply
      Cristina
      Cristina(@crispires3)
      17 days ago

      Omg! 😂😂😂

      0
      Reply
      Will L
      Will L
      17 days ago

      Awesome article!

      0
      Reply
      Stefano Deriu
      Stefano Deriu
      17 days ago

      happy to be in the 6 !!!

      0
      Reply
      Luciano Pollastri
      Author
      Luciano Pollastri(@luciano-pollastri)
      17 days ago
      Reply to  Stefano Deriu

      You would still make it in last Three!!!

      0
      Reply
      Carsten Re. from Germany
      Carsten Re. from Germany
      17 days ago
      Reply to  Stefano Deriu

      Haha … only Zwifter read and post here … so Luciano has a maximum of 5 non-Zwifter-friends left … I’m curious to see how many more we can deduct in the next few days 🤷🏻‍♂️😉

      0
      Reply
      John Irwin Brown
      John Irwin Brown
      17 days ago

      I enjoyed the read and I’m impressed by your time improvements on those segments. I’ve been able to ride indoors longer time periods than I could with other cycling apps. Now I’m noting physiologic changes such as lower HR at given Wattage. I’ve only been Zwifting for 6 months. I realize every cyclist has differnent goals and purpose on any given day and time that I ride on Zwift. Zwift offers so many options to so many participants that it makes achieving your goals more doable.

      0
      Reply
      Luciano Pollastri
      Author
      Luciano Pollastri(@luciano-pollastri)
      17 days ago
      Reply to  John Irwin Brown

      Absolutely. My resting HR went down substantially since April 2020 too.

      0
      Reply
      Ken Chappell
      Ken Chappell
      17 days ago

      Let your coworkers run away! Even as a Zwift cyclist, you can probably run faster and further. As a matter of fact, you can probably run next to them and talk about how Zwift made this possible!

      2
      Reply
      Luciano Pollastri
      Author
      Luciano Pollastri(@luciano-pollastri)
      17 days ago
      Reply to  Ken Chappell

      That’s a good idea. I could become a an IRL Zwift following troll

      0
      Reply
      Rock
      Rock
      17 days ago

      hey, on the bright side, at least your not telling everyone you’re a vegan and do cross-fit!

      2
      Reply
      Rob GZ
      Rob GZ(@robgrootzwaaftink)
      17 days ago
      Reply to  Rock

      Haha! So true!!

      0
      Reply
      Luciano Pollastri
      Author
      Luciano Pollastri(@luciano-pollastri)
      17 days ago
      Reply to  Rock

      I am not excluding anything at this point in time 🙂

      0
      Reply
      Dennis
      Dennis
      17 days ago

      Great story…wait, ..must buy cyclist born in 1976 shirt…

      1
      Reply
      Colin Rehm
      Colin Rehm
      16 days ago

      Freakin brilliant. Thought my wife would be interested in the article, she was not. How meta can you get.

      0
      Reply
      Luciano Pollastri
      Author
      Luciano Pollastri(@luciano-pollastri)
      16 days ago
      Reply to  Colin Rehm

      I changed my wife because of that 🙂

      0
      Reply
      Tim Perkin
      Tim Perkin(@tperkin)
      16 days ago

      You forgot the bit when people ask “What is Zwift?” Then you find yourself basically selling the product and also your favourite smart trainer, which ultimately ends up being a review of the different brands.

      I shall drop the Marketing / PR team a mail and ask for a stock response we can state when asked “What is Zwift?” Or better still, maybe we collate one….

      1
      Reply
      Luciano Pollastri
      Author
      Luciano Pollastri(@luciano-pollastri)
      16 days ago
      Reply to  Tim Perkin

      An official Zwift elevator pitch would be nice, yes. Maybe I will print a flyer…

      0
      Reply
      Tony Lane
      Tony Lane
      15 days ago
      Reply to  Tim Perkin

      or when they follow it up with “is it like Peloton?”……

      0
      Reply
      Luciano Pollastri
      Author
      Luciano Pollastri(@luciano-pollastri)
      15 days ago
      Reply to  Tony Lane

      Thank God I did not get that one. I might have become physically violent

      2
      Reply
      Lii Tiad
      Lii Tiad(@liitiad)
      11 days ago

      Nice read. This is totally normal if you are 100% into something. Usually people assume the craze will end in a few weeks. Also lots of people can’t muster the same enthusiasm for anything so they will run away.

      0
      Reply
      Julien Faucon
      Julien Faucon
      10 days ago

      Super great article! And if you are able to ride 300km around Madrid (IRL), this is the proof that all the work on Zwift is truly paying

      0
      Reply
      Luciano Pollastri
      Author
      Luciano Pollastri(@luciano-pollastri)
      10 days ago
      Reply to  Julien Faucon

      HAHAHAHAHA!!! I see someone has been Big Brothering my Strava 🙂

      0
      Reply
      Taylor Gonsoulin
      Taylor Gonsoulin
      7 days ago

      I laughed out loud at your sidebar note. I WAS wondering if you had switched to the gravel bike… and then if you had switched back to a road bike… and how much time gap you made up… and did you change back at the summit or at the bottom… and how many others in your group did/did not switch… (sigh)

      1
      Reply
      Luciano Pollastri
      Author
      Luciano Pollastri(@luciano-pollastri)
      7 days ago
      Reply to  Taylor Gonsoulin

      Welcome to the freak show! 🙂

      0
      Reply
      Chusmartin
      Chusmartin
      3 days ago

      Muy bueno este artículo!!!

      0
      Reply
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