Lucianotes: the Dramatic Consequences of Avid Zwifting

Two years as an avid Zwifter have had dramatic consequences on my life. For the good and the bad.

More Zwift Levels = Fewer Friends

As I ascended the ladder of Zwift levels and challenges, my IRL social life got closer and closer to that of a Tibetan ascetic monk who has vowed silence and isolation forever. 

As Zwift becomes the epicenter of your day, you create your own magical parallel ecosystem, allowing you to survive with only what exists within the boundaries of Watopia. 

An example: Scotty the Squirrel has a voice in my head. You would guess it is a high voice but no, it’s an Elvis Presley kind of voice. And Scotty is kind of a jerk. He always appears above my shoulder to laugh at me when I am in absolute pain or about to spit my lungs. 

Same with the Pace Partners. Coco Cadence is an incredibly smart lady, able to exchange and debate about almost any topic. She is a little bossy though. From time to time she reminds you to keep your w/kg at the right level. I would not say the same about Bowie Brevet. The guy would not say a word. If you want to have fun, you’d be better off grabbing coffee with an IRS inspector than a lap of Tempus Fugit with Bowie. 

Continuous Improvement In Performance, Continuous Deterioration In My Likeability

Among the best things I experienced is this notion of continuous improvement. I remember the first day I climbed ADZ. It was my third day as a Zwifter and I had to find an event in order to be accepted (Road to Sky was a 12+ Level circuit). 

I was so proud that I was able to cross the banner. I had no dignity left, no legs left, my body was one piece of immense muscular pain, and the smell my body was producing would qualify it as a chemical weapon. But I was so proud! More than 100 minutes of heroic effort. 

It was also the day I saw for the first time some people with the vEveresting tag on their name. When I checked what this vEveresting thing was I could not prevent myself from laughing: who would be so dumb to climb this thing 9 times? Clearly, you must have some unresolved mommy/daddy issues in order to inflict something like this upon yourself.

In any case, here is a table with my progression on some of the most relevant Zwift segments. It gives you a quick overview of what it looks like to have a very structured training plan and spend your life in Watopia. I call it an amazing progression, my wife calls it the ultimate proof I am beyond help. 

(Some of the first attempts (Ven-top for example) are from summer 2020, not April.)

Proudly Becoming the “Only Talks about this Ridiculous Virtual Cycling Game” Guy

Before Zwift, people invited me to gatherings because I had a tendency to animate all the dinners. I was the funny guy.  Now I regularly invent false excuses to skip dinners with friends, and the few social dinners I attend find me talking exclusively about Zwift and cycling. It’s gotten so bad that people avoid asking me open questions or even better, run desperately in the opposite direction when I join a group. 

I have developed an incredible capacity to link any topic with cycling and Zwift. Any. Pick one. You can ask me about climate change, and I will find a transition to finish talking about the gradient in Pot Bank. You ask me about the French presidential election results? About the cross-fertilization of wet soils through bees?  No problem. I find an analogy with a Bologna TT or the new Zwift homepage UI. 

For them, my friends (or former friends if I want to be accurate), I’ve become the boring “only talks about this ridiculous virtual cycling game stuff” guy. For me, they’ve all become “those idiots who don’t even know what a Tron bike is.” 

The worst thing is that I am perfectly aware they couldn’t care less about what I am telling them. I could see their faces progressively decomposing from a polite smile to an extreme expression of boredom when I passionately grumbled about the Dura-Ace groupset bug affecting some of the bikes back in November 2021 as if it was the end of the world (by the way it was the end of the world WTF!).

An Impact On My Quality as a Son and Husband

My Zwift addiction has also impacted my listening and empathy skills, and therefore the quality of my relationships with relatives. How many times have I committed to something without being conscious about it?

I remember one particular situation in which my mother was talking to me but my entire brain focus was on “will I swap to a gravel bike at the beginning of Temple KOM or not? There are pros and cons to it. First, I am really slow at swapping bikes, and also it depends if I arrive in a group or not and others stop to swap… what a dilemma. Also, Eric recommends swapping but the guy does it in 6 seconds, I saw it in one of his streams…” 

Apparently, during that thought process I agreed to go to dinner the following Tuesday at my mother’s place and to bring a homemade dessert (pre-Zwift I was always cooking). I only figured out that I committed to this when my mother called me on Tuesday evening to ask where I was since I was already 45 minutes late. I was actually at 171 BPM ion the last km of the Temple KOM climb of the ZRL stage.

I am an awful awful son…

The same happens when my wife asks me something and I automatically nod when in reality every single cell of my body is obnubilated by this incredible debate on Discord about the likelihood that Zwift fixes the draft issue on some smart bikes (I don’t even own a smart bike).

Note: if you are as much a Zwift junkie as I am, at this point in time you don’t really care about the mother anecdote, right? The only thing you care about is if I eventually swapped bikes. The answer is no.

Monothematic Hobbies, Too

Another thing that has changed since I started Zwifting is my YouTube homepage and recommendations. In 2019 my YouTube homepage was a blend of politics, sports, rock music, cooking recipes, and funny videos of beagles (my dog Luna is a beagle) doing stupid things I would idiotically laugh about. 

It seems I’ve made things easier for Google’s AI. Now I have a monothematic YouTube homepage: exclusively Zwift, bikes and cycling. Sherpa Dave, Eric’s streams, Bikotic, Hambini, GCN in all languages and fashions, Javier Ares (Spanish cycling journalist), Si Bradeley, BiciLab, GC Performance, Normandie Cycling, Cycling Insider, etc….

My wardrobe has also evolved. I am compulsively buying cycling apparel and cycling t-shirts with jokes that can only be understood by other psychologically deranged Zwift addicts like me: 

In some aspects, though, my condition has made things easier for others. Pre-Zwift, my friends and relatives used to say that finding a present for my birthday was an impossible task. Now they know that anything related to bikes or Zwift gadgets will have me jumping around like a little kid. Latest one: a bike holder for IRL race tags. Love it. 

Better Off, For Sure

All things considered, the substantial impact Zwift has had on my life is positive: I am more of a jerk, I have fewer friends, I find it difficult to communicate with most human beings yet engage in dialog with imaginary animated characters, and I pay less attention to my family. BUT, I am a better Zwifter and cyclist. Totally worth it. 😊

Luciano Pollastri
Luciano Pollastri
Luciano is a French-Argentinian living in Madrid, Spain. He landed by mistake on Zwift in March 2020, and, according to his wife, is staying there because of some strange variant of Stockholm Syndrome yet to be diagnosed. Passionate about all the little things making us feel alive and together when being part of a team.

33 COMMENTS

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Steve Greenwood
Steve Greenwood
1 year ago

Loved this. Can’t believe people don’t know what a tron bike is…

Meisterbruno
Meisterbruno
1 year ago

😂 I enjoyed reading this article. At times I found myself going into the “squirrel drey” (Zwift for rabbit hole) and ignoring life around. It’s okay to spend time in virtual if improves your life in any way.

Carsten Re. from Germany
Carsten Re. from Germany
1 year ago

Hahaha … I enjoyed reading as always Luciano 🤣 … and I’m sure that many of us had the same or similar situations in our lives … and this bad covid thing gave us an additional legitimate excuse for this real-life-friends-to-virtual-friends development 🙈🙈🙈

Carsten Re. from Germany
Carsten Re. from Germany
1 year ago

🙈🤣 … jump in Doc Brown DeLorean and you could find some of these crazy non-zwifting-people in 2019 or earlier 😎

Carsten Re. from Germany
Carsten Re. from Germany
1 year ago
and you have to look at it the other way around ... how is it that your mother doesn't know that Tuesday evening is reserved and ONLY MADE for ZRL ? 🙈🤣
Last edited 1 year ago by Carsten Re. from Germany
Andrey J.
Andrey J.
1 year ago

I thought Danny Draft was real

Cristina
Cristina(@crispires3)
1 year ago

Omg! 😂😂😂

Will L
Will L
1 year ago

Awesome article!

Stefano Deriu
Stefano Deriu
1 year ago

happy to be in the 6 !!!

Carsten Re. from Germany
Carsten Re. from Germany
1 year ago
Reply to  Stefano Deriu

Haha … only Zwifter read and post here … so Luciano has a maximum of 5 non-Zwifter-friends left … I’m curious to see how many more we can deduct in the next few days 🤷🏻‍♂️😉

John Irwin Brown
John Irwin Brown
1 year ago

I enjoyed the read and I’m impressed by your time improvements on those segments. I’ve been able to ride indoors longer time periods than I could with other cycling apps. Now I’m noting physiologic changes such as lower HR at given Wattage. I’ve only been Zwifting for 6 months. I realize every cyclist has differnent goals and purpose on any given day and time that I ride on Zwift. Zwift offers so many options to so many participants that it makes achieving your goals more doable.

Ken Chappell
Ken Chappell
1 year ago

Let your coworkers run away! Even as a Zwift cyclist, you can probably run faster and further. As a matter of fact, you can probably run next to them and talk about how Zwift made this possible!

Rock
Rock
1 year ago

hey, on the bright side, at least your not telling everyone you’re a vegan and do cross-fit!

Rob GZ
Rob GZ(@robgrootzwaaftink)
1 year ago
Reply to  Rock

Haha! So true!!

Dennis
Dennis
1 year ago

Great story…wait, ..must buy cyclist born in 1976 shirt…

Colin Rehm
Colin Rehm
1 year ago

Freakin brilliant. Thought my wife would be interested in the article, she was not. How meta can you get.

Tim Perkin
Tim Perkin(@tperkin)
1 year ago

You forgot the bit when people ask “What is Zwift?” Then you find yourself basically selling the product and also your favourite smart trainer, which ultimately ends up being a review of the different brands.

I shall drop the Marketing / PR team a mail and ask for a stock response we can state when asked “What is Zwift?” Or better still, maybe we collate one….

Tony Lane
Tony Lane
1 year ago
Reply to  Tim Perkin

or when they follow it up with “is it like Peloton?”……

Lii Tiad
Lii Tiad(@liitiad)
1 year ago

Nice read. This is totally normal if you are 100% into something. Usually people assume the craze will end in a few weeks. Also lots of people can’t muster the same enthusiasm for anything so they will run away.

Julien Faucon
Julien Faucon
1 year ago

Super great article! And if you are able to ride 300km around Madrid (IRL), this is the proof that all the work on Zwift is truly paying

Taylor Gonsoulin
Taylor Gonsoulin
1 year ago

I laughed out loud at your sidebar note. I WAS wondering if you had switched to the gravel bike… and then if you had switched back to a road bike… and how much time gap you made up… and did you change back at the summit or at the bottom… and how many others in your group did/did not switch… (sigh)

Chusmartin
Chusmartin
1 year ago

Muy bueno este artículo!!!

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